I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
