A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
