College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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