She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
