Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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