first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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