I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
