I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
