TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
high people should be assigned attendants
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize