Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
