tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize