a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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