So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
