batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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