you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
