Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
