I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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