I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And then he peed in my hair
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
