I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
