I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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