Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
