I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
