who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
