I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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