I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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