just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize