i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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