batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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