how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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