This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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