Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
