I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
