I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
