i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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