the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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