Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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