He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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