for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
