4 words: hood of his car
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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