I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
