Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
