Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
