Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize