Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
