Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My ass is underappreciated
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
