when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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