No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize