Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
