Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sext me about skeletons
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
