What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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