Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just had sex bonerless
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
