we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
