I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
