i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
