Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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