woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
