Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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