dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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