I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
