i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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