He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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