I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Semen is not good for contacts.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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