So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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