Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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