theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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