I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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